In a state of terror and excitement

Oh my gosh. I clicked send. I have officially tendered my official notice to my landlord. And tomorrow, I officially sign a lease on a new San Francisco apartment.

I’m happy. Really. Okay, no I’m not. But I will be tomorrow, I swear! Once I sign the lease and make that jump, I’ll be just flipping over the moon. But right now? Right now all I can do is second guess myself.

What if I regret giving up my great roommate and his two sweet kitties? What if Boonie hates it? What if I never can scrub that stain out of the tub? What if the hot water always gives up, the washer burns out, and the thermostat is stuck on broiling? What if the PERFECT apartment is just sitting out there, ready to go on the market the second after I sign my lease?

It’s that last one that gives me heart palpitations. I am just positive that the grass is greener, you know, tomorrow. This apartment is good, maybe even great, but it’s not perfect. What it is, is available. I’ll be able to sign a lease more than 30 days before I have to be out of my current apartment. That’s… safe. Comforting.

Except it’s not. Not comforting at all. I’ve never been the type to go for safe. I actually can’t go to casinos anymore, because I love to gamble so g.d. much. I’m all about tossing it up in the wind and hoping it comes down in the way god intended. And you know what? That’s served me pretty well. I’ve wandered along all right with that philosophy. Sure, I can’t go to Vegas without losing every penny in my pocket, but that’s almost a given anyway.

It’s not just me in this equation, though. There’s two other roommates to consider. Two roommates who maybe aren’t as hopelessly devoted to gambling as I am. It’s time to look at that logically, and factor them in. Signing a lease tomorrow will produce the following results:

1 sad, deserted roommate
1 happy, excited roommate
1 happy but wistfully unsure and woefully uncertain roommate

Not signing a lease produces the following results:

1 sad, uncertain roommate
1 happy roommate with a growing knot of unease and mistrust
1 wistfully unsure and woefully uncertain roommate (happiness level unclear)

It’s pretty clear I’m making the right choice. Right?

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One thought on “In a state of terror and excitement

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  1. YES. Yes, yes, yes. You are. This is what you want, and you’re making yourself push through the little voices that nag, nag, nag, because you’re RIGHT. It’s the like the internal editor when you’re writing. Just tell it to shut up, and then start thinking about decorating the bathroom with images of the Madonna or something. It’s gonna be great. I can’t wait for a great excuse to hang more in the city. xoxo

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