In the interest of research and gettin’ ready for a summer more filled with dresses than I’ve ever seen (apparently getting older means I like skirts! Who knew! They’re even easier to slip on absentmindedly than jeans! I have 2 new short sundresses, and 3 short skirts! Someone hold me back!), I’ve been testing various leg hair options.
Option 1 is, of course, au natural, by far the simplest to maintain. Since the skirt thing is only happening from sheer over-heated laziness, and any removal takes, you know, work, option 1 gets a lot of play. There are a few problems with it; not only does hair = warmth (at least a little bit), but I can’t enjoy the weird transition of light to dark stubbly hair as I look down my legs. If it all matched, I’d be fine, but as it is… It feels like constantly wearing black shoes with a brown skirt. Which can be done, but not easily, and not without some pangs of “should I be doing this?”
Option 2: Shaving. Pretty obvious. I don’t have to say much about this, I think. Downsides (and the reasons I decided to pursue more options) include: almost instantaneous stubble growth, a fair bit of work, and the potential of razor burn if you forgot to prepare the night before and decide to just have at it dry 2 minutes before you run out the door.
Option 3: Defoliants. Depilatories. Over the years I’ve heard several people praise the fact that their hair grew back thinner, or lighter, their armpits didn’t smell, or something else magical happened post-veet. I decided it was finally worth a look-see. I’m not impressed. Since I was essentially waging chemical warfare on my legs, the very least I expected was total annihilation and a stunted recovery period. My legs are patchy and stubble, and the regrowth appears to be about the same tensile strength and darkness, and I have no idea if I’m less stinky (can anyone really smell themselves? If they could, I think we’d have far less smelly people in the world) but no one has said anything. It was fairly easy to do, and there was no weird sensitivity or burning issues, but I don’t think that merits chemical warfare.
Option 4: Wax. Okay, I didn’t even go here, and I’m not going to. This must be the most labor-intensive, pain-intensive, cost-intensive way to remove leg hair EVER. Forget it. I do, however, use the little strips for my delicate, feminine, barely there ‘stache. Or did, until I found…
Option 5: Smooth Away! Yes, when I get drunk and watch TV I tend to order things. That’s why I own 2 turbie twists (bought when I had chin-length hair, mind you) and a Soulful Christmas (with the bonus MERRY Soulful Christmas) CD. But hey, I love those turbans, I’ve never heard a better rendition of Rudolph, and these things work for me too! And actually I bought them on a whim at Walmart, thus saving myself the completely exorbitant shipping and handling costs they charge.
But does it work? YES! On me. I get the feeling these are very hit or miss, in regards to skin type and sensitivity. In case you haven’t seen this, it is essentially sandpaper for your skin. Which can cause some irritation. As does rubbing your face on to the pavement. Luckily for me, just a little bit of light pressure erased my ‘stache, leaving skin as smooth as a baby’s butt, with no lingering redness or soreness. Rock ON!
It even works wonders on my legs; no reactions, quick and easy to do after you’ve put your skirt on and looked down in horror, and I think it even lasts longer than shaving.
So the winner by a mile? Sandpaper! Who’da thunk it?
Also, I feel a little ridiculous composing an entire post about skirts, shaving legs and shopping. It’s true, but not precisely a balanced picture of me. I feel like I need to rev up a power tool, or burp. If it helps, today I’m wearing a Western States Enduro 5000 t-shirt and old jeans. I’m not sure why I feel a blog post has to be ‘balanced.’ Maybe I’m just sensitive because I’ve been reading feminist blogs and avoiding SITC incessantly for the past few weeks.
This is great. And you’re a very funny writer, btw. But you knew that.